I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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