It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
