I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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