it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
