I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
