So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
