my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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