I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
where are my eyebrows?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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