Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
