If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
