I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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