He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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