Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
