the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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