Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
