Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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