its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
