my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
