I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
