Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
