im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
