Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
