saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
