"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
why is half of my head shaved?
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