this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
