I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
