Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
