Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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