My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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