I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
