I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
