it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
