Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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