Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
