Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
