Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
