So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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