So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
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You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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