is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
