So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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