The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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