we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
