So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
