This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
