Screwed.edu
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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