So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
