I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
