My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
