Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
