Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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