There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
