I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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