where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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