Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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