Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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