I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
