You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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