Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
