Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There are leaves in my underwear?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
