How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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