I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
