Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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