Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
how drunk are you?
Several
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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