end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
