hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
