Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
