And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
