she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
