Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
