I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
