I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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