im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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