she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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