I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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