Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
